Vulnerability in Business

A very successful colleague I’ve known for over a decade admitted via social media the other day that he had a fear of letting people really see him, his personality, his full self, warts-and-all. I never would have guessed this gentleman cared what people thought or that he had a hard time showing vulnerability in business. He’s incredibly successful. This is a man who dives out of airplanes just to confront his fears. Yet, he’s afraid to get vulnerable in business.

I found his post incredibly intriguing. I mentioned it to my husband, who is the most gregarious person I know. I commented that he didn’t seem to be afraid to be himself. Then, he, too, admitted that throughout his life there have been times he’s lived in fear of showing his true self to others. What if they think he’s foolish? Stupid? Weird? Too much? What if they say something mean to him? He went on to explain that I am one of the few people he feels he can trust enough to be fully himself, 100 percent of the time. Wow!

What Fear of Vulnerability Looks Like

Over decades of consulting with people on building and marketing their businesses online, I’ve noticed that lots of people struggle with vulnerability or a fear of embarrassment. This often shows up when people are starting out in business or seeking to expand their business.

It can look like:

• Not wanting to make videos.
• Putting off blogging.
• Constantly working on your book, but never publishing it.
• Putting up a web site, but not telling people it’s there.
• Thinking everything must be perfect before you release it.
• Feeling like you need one more course, certification or degree before you can put yourself out there.
• Fear of putting your face on social media or your web site.

For seasoned professionals, it might look like:

• Staying super professional, but not revealing your human side in your marketing.
• A niggling feeling that you’re a fraud. You feel like you’re portraying that you have it all together when you know deep down you aren’t perfect.
• Being flamboyant, animated, and dynamic but never really revealing your inner thoughts, feelings or values publicly.
• Charging way less than the value of what you’re offering because you know your imperfections and want to cover your bases if a client discovers them.
• Morphing to other people’s expectations and not being true to yourself.
• Intense fear when public speaking, releasing a new product or service, or when marketing or selling.

While I tend to be the queen of vulnerability in my public presence, until recently I had trouble truly being myself with men. I had an underlying belief that I was too much for most men – too analytical, too intense, too powerful, etc. In the dating world, I subconsciously toned myself down, becoming the type of woman I thought men wanted to be around.

I wasn’t intentionally trying to bait and switch. I was just protecting myself. I didn’t feel like I could trust someone I barely knew with my innermost thoughts and feelings. If I showed my true self too soon, they might take advantage of me or reject me.

Eventually, I came to the point where I realized I didn’t want to be involved with men who couldn’t handle me as myself. None of us can sustain not being ourselves for long. Eventually, I knew, the real, analytical, intensely thought-provoking, strong woman with her own insecurities was going to come out. Why would I want to be with someone who couldn’t handle or appreciate the real me?

Playing It Safe Isn’t Safe

I learned that playing it safe and subduing my real self was the most dangerous thing for my heart. I thought I was protecting it. I was actually putting it in constant danger. Playing it safe got my heart ripped out.

When I finally realized that I could be happy being alone and that I didn’t need a man to make my world complete, that’s when a man came along who I could be myself with. Because I didn’t care what he thought of me or whether he went away (because I didn’t need him), I was totally myself. And guess what? When this man fell in love, he fell in love with the real me.

The same goes for you in your business. Do you really want to put on a front about the type of businessperson you are? Do you want customers to realize they can’t connect with you long term because you appeared to be one thing and became another after they started working with you?

I’d much rather have a few super-loyal customers who really know me and want to do business with me long term because they appreciate the values I hold dear. The things that make me me are the things that make me stand out. Sure, there are going to be some people who are turned off by my values, opinions or personality. That’s okay. I’d rather that happen early rather than later, after I’ve invested my time and energy into their success.

Remember, playing it safe isn’t safe – not in life, not in personal relationships, not in business relationships. Be yourself. Get vulnerable. Be real. People do business with people, not flat, cookie-cutter businesses.

If you want to talk about how you can be more vulnerable and real in your life, business, marketing or creativity, let’s chat. Hop on my calendar for a free 20-minute strategy session.