One of the most fascinating excuses I hear from people about why they don’t want to collaborate is that they don’t trust other people. They are afraid to go into collaborative arrangements for fear of being hurt. Often the people who tell me this are Potentials (in Lisa Rae Preston’s STEP Core Passion Assessment). Primary Potentials are highly creative visionaries who are wired to inspire. We comprise only about 10% of the population. Thus, we are different than the norm. We tend to be pioneers and march to the beat of our own drummers. Few people really “get us.” (You can take the STEP Core Passion Assessment for free here.)
“Fitting in,” isn’t likely to occur unless we happen to be surrounded by other Potentials. For example, the majority of the world is comprised of Services (the do-ers) and their brain patterning is the direct opposite of Potentials. Most Potentials spend their lives being told by the rest of humanity what they “should” or “should not” do. For example, they might hear, “You should buckle down, get a steady job and let go of your pipe dreams.” Nothing grates on a Potential’s nerves quite like being “should upon.”
This alienation and inevitable wedge sends us into our own little worlds. And we do have quite the imaginations! We can entertain ourselves there, but in this place there isn’t as much human interaction as we crave.
Another aspect of the Potential mind is that it is wired to spot patterns and see connections. Potentials who have a secondary brain patterning of Truth, tend to see patterns and connections in things and ideas. Potentials who have a secondary brain patterning of Empathy, tend to see patterns and connections with people.
Potential-Empathies, in particular, crave human interaction. We need people. We are born collaborators. So, if we’ve been alienated and wounded to isolate ourselves, we often end up depressed, lonely and afraid.
But for those who can push past their fears, and reach out to others, great rewards await. Simon Sinek talks about how Mother Nature has wired us to help one another. We actually release a feel-good hormone in our bodies (Oxytocin) when we spend time and energy helping another person. In order to survive as a species we must learn to help one another, and so it’s hard-coded into us to feel fulfilled when we do.
This could be another reason why Potentials who feel alienated and then withdraw, suffer from depression, anxiety or other disorders. Their fear of alienation prevents them from engaging in relationships fully, and thus they produce less Oxytocin (also referred to as the “love and bonding hormone”) which then results in fewer moments of happiness.
“Oxytocin is a hormone that helps relax and reduce blood pressure and cortisol levels. It increases pain thresholds, has anti anxiety effects, and stimulates various types of positive social interaction. In addition, it promotes growth and healing.” (Oxytocin hormone benefits and side effects by Ray Sahelian, M.D.
Here’s an illustration of the power of this naturally occurring drug.
My son Joshua was diagnosed with Crohn’s at 13. It’s an auto-immune, inflammatory bowel disease. Since getting married in December 2012, he has been doing much better. He says he’s healed. My family was joking around on Easter about how his wife, Elise, is healing him with her love.
Here’s something fascinating I found while investigating Oxytocin, which is released when people are in love or during social bonding of any kind. Look at this fascinating footnote from Wikipedia:
“Social behavior and wound healing: Oxytocin is also thought to modulate inflammation by decreasing certain cytokines. Thus, the increased release in oxytocin following positive social interactions has the potential to improve wound healing. A study by Marazziti and colleagues used heterosexual couples to address this possibility. They found increases in plasma oxytocin following a social interaction were correlated with faster wound healing. They hypothesized this was due to oxytocin reducing inflammation, thus allowing the wound to heal faster. This study provides preliminary evidence that positive social interactions may directly impact aspects of health.”
Elise IS healing Joshua! Or perhaps his love for her is healing him! 🙂
So here’s what I’m thinking for those who have been wounded so deeply they are afraid to collaborate… Perhaps you don’t trust everyone, but is there even one person you trust? Reach out and serve that person. Better yet, find someone to serve without any expectation of return. No need for trust then. Expend your time and energy to help that person in some way. Use your gifts and your imagination! This will make you feel better – literally releasing Oxytocin in your brain.
Do this enough, and you will begin to heal. Then you will start to attract more people you can trust into your life. And then you can serve them too, and they will serve you in return. Gradually, over time, you will collect your own tribe of people who believe what you believe and whom you can trust. THEN, you can start tapping into the power of collaboration – which is accessing infinite possibilities and resources.
About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns
Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.
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