When You’re Tested on the Very Thing You’ve Been Teaching
Are you doubting what you know? Perhaps everything you’ve been teaching? Are the things that used to work for you not working anymore? Do you feel like life changed the rules and nobody sent you the memo?
There’s a time in every Light Bearer’s life when she is tested on the very thing she’s teaching. It’s the “Transparency” phase of the 6-step Light-Bearer process I cover in Light the World: How Your Brilliance Can Shift the Planet. This phase is about removing “black blobs” clinging to your glowing ball of light. It’s about burning away impurities so you’re ready for the next phase — shining.
Transparency humbles you enough to submit to the touch of the Master’s hand so He can transform you into a clean, clear, conduit of His love and light to the world.
It can be one of the most excruciatingly painful places to be. Should you stop teaching? Are you a fraud? Should you just go get a j.o.b.? Bottom line, you realize you have a whole lot more to learn.
This is your chance to dig back in, work through your own processes, find the missing pieces and elaborate more on things you either couldn’t remember or hadn’t yet experienced.
As you do this, you become increasingly aware of your “black blogs.” Ironically, you’ll discover that your weaknesses lie in the exact areas of your strengths. For example, I teach women to value themselves, but I wasn’t valuing myself. I see the gifts and greatness in others, but I wasn’t seeing them in myself. I’m all about synergistic relationships and collaboration, yet in major areas of my life I was going it alone, trying to do it all by myself.
When you come to this place of being tested on the very things you’ve been teaching (or feel called to teach), you have three choices, as I see it:
1) Pull back, lick your wounds and wait until you have your “act together” to put yourself out there again.
Sometimes this is necessary. You do need to regroup and take a much needed rest. During these times, I recommend journaling so you document your process.
2) Pretend everything is all right and fake it until you make it.
This route takes an immense amount of energy as it requires effort to pretend everything is fine when it’s going horribly wrong. What’s more, it grates on your soul because you feel out of alignment.
3) Be transparent with those around you, document your process and keep on going with faith. Know that your “shining” phase is just around the bend.
This route requires a shift in the way you view yourself. You may have seen yourself as the leader, expert or guru. All of these might make you feel like you have to “be perfect” and always have your act together. Heaven forbid you make a mistake!
In reality you may be none of those. You may simply be a person who is farther out along the path. Others are watching your tail lights, learning from your mistakes and your successes. They’re grateful to have the opportunity to observe – not because they expect you to be perfect – but because now they have some knowledge of the road ahead.
They won’t trip over a log on the path, because you just stumbled and warned, “Watch your step!” They will know where to find fresh water because you just yelled, “There’s a spring over here!” When you care enough about others to share what you’re learning during your difficult times, they are grateful for what you can share.
You may come to realize you have more people following you in the dark than you ever did in the light.
As a friend pointed out to me yesterday, “Your light is shining brighter than you think. The symbol of the lighthouse is so perfect, the purpose of its light is not to shine in day or light, but to shine in darkness and fog.” (Liz Bradley)
There’s a quote from Eat, Pray, Love that describes this 3rd way of being:
In the end, I’ve come to believe in something I call “The Physics of the Quest.” A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.” – Liz Gilbert
I love this because I’m realizing I’m surrounded by teachers. I don’t have to be “the perfect teacher” or “the perfect leader.” We’re all in this together and everywhere I look, I find teachers, guides and friends — fellow travelers on the journey.
If this post resonates with you, you might be in the Transparency phase of the Light Bearer Process. Find out by taking my Light Bearer Assessment here. It’s fast and free!
About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns
Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.
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We are SO swimming in the same pond! Beautifully articulated, my friend. One of the beautiful realizations from this ‘phase’ is rock solid trust in your ability to navigate the pathway.
Definitely, if we can’t trust that we’ll be led to do the right thing at the right time, we can really spin our wheels in the mud… second guessing ourselves, from one day to the next.
THE SINNER ALREADY KNOWS HE IS WRONG,, SO WHY BEAT ON A DEAD HORSE AS MOM USED TO SAY,,, LOVE THE HORSE BACK INTO GOOD STANDING WITH THE FATHER ,,,DO NOT JUDGE HIM,, HE ALREADY KNOWS HE IS HELL BOUND,,, SO LOVE HIM ANYHOW ,, WHAT IF OUR PARENTS NEVER FORGAVE US FOR NOTHING THEY WOULD HAVE HAD A CHILD FILLED WITH HATE ON THEIR HANDS,, JENNY WREN LOVE THEM ANYHOW ,,LET GOD DO THE JUDGING ,, YOU ARE JUDGED WITH THE VERY SAME MEASURING ROD YOU MEASURE OTHER BY ,,,
we are all of us just sinners saved by the grace of GOd in all of his GLORY,, HE IS TRULY A WONDERFUL GOD AND I HAVE WONDERED WHY ON EARTH ,, SOME CAN NOT LOVE GOD AS I DO ,, I GUESS IT IS CAUSE THEY DID NOT KNOW HIM AS A CHILD,, MY DADDY WAS THE MOST GOD LIKE MAN IN MY EYES ,,HE SEEN THE LORD AS I BELIEVE HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE COULD BE THE INDIAN ANCESTORY,,, WE ARE FROM THE INDIAN WITH WAYS OF FREEDOM AND PEACE BORN INTO US,, AND LAUGHTER WITH GOOD MUSIC IN NATURE AND ON INSTURMENTS, AND HAVE FUN PLAYING AND SINGING ,,FOR OUR LORD,,
WEHN I WAS A LITTLE CHILD AND SEEN THE PICTURES OF GOD, IN THE OLD CATHOLIC BIBLE I FOUND IN A TRUNK MOM GAVE TO ME IT HAD A FAMILY BIBLE WITH NAMES OF A LONG GONE FAMILY ,, AND THE PICTURES JUST TORE ME UP ,,I SEEN THE GOD YOU ARE TALKING OF , AND NOT THE ONE I WAS RAISED WITH AND I LOVED THE SOFT GENTLE GOD I FOUND TO BE MORE DESIRABLE THAN THE ONE IN THAT BOOK,, THE PICTURE S WERE HARD LOOKING ,,NOT LIKE NATURE, I GUESS I LEARNED FROM NATURE A WHOLE LOT ,, WITH 11 BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND PLENTY OF LOVE WAS BESTOWED UPON US AND WHEN POPPA DIED ,,I ALMOST DIED,TOO I LOVED HIM AS LIKE A GOD OT ME,,THEN I ASK GOD OT BE MY FATHER ,,HE SAID I AM YOUR FATHER ,,, I DO NOT HAVE TO PRETEND,, I LOANED YOU AS MY SEED TO YOUR MOM AND DAD AND THEY LOVED YOU AS I LOVE YOU,, WHEN MOMMA STARTED TO DIE, I DREW CLOSER OT GOD AND HE TAUGHT TO ME ALL ABOUT HIM AND SALVATION AND IT GAVE TO ME A FREEDOM I HAD NEVER HAD,, HE SHOWE TO ME THAT MAN IN HIS SOUL STARTED OUT AS BEING GOOD,, ,,,,,,,,,,,
BUT THE DEVIL JUST WAITS FOR YOU TO FIND GOD AND HE TRIES TO MAKE YOU HATE HIM,,, BUT IT DID NOT WORK,, NOT EVEN BEING ALMOST RAPED AND TREATED AS LESS OF A HUMAN FOR YEARS BECAUSE OF EPILEPSY,, AND ALL IT INTELLS, I THOUGHT I WAS BEING OPUNISHED BY GOD AND I CRIED AND HE HUGGED ME CLOSE AND KNEW I WAS WRONG AND HE WAS AND STILL HAS BEEN THE ONLY ONE I TRUST ,IN ALL OF THIS UNIVERSE,,,
I REALLY HEAR PEOPLE AS THEY TALK AND SEE OTHERS THROUGH THEIR EYES AND I DO NOT LIKE SOME TO THE THINGS I SEE ,, GOD GAVE TO ME AN ABILITY TO SEE THE LOVE OF A TRUE CHRISTIAN A LOVER OF GOD,, AND IT HE LED MANY TO ME FOR ME TO SHOW AND TELL SOME WERE SO DEATHLY AFRAID OF A CRUEL GOD ,, HE IS GOOD ,, MAN IS NOT GOOD BUT GOD IS AND IS SOMEONE TO LOOK UP OT ,, JESUS WAS THE FIRST MAN/GOD ………….WHO TREATED WOMEN WITH TRUE RESPECT ,,LOOK
AT THE LADY CAUGHT IN ADULTERY ,,, HE WHO IS WITH OUT SIN CAST YOUR FIRST STONE,, I WONDER WHAT HE WROTE ON THE GROUND ,,
”WHERE IS THE MAN,??”
STONES FELL ONE FROM EVERY HAND, AND SHE WAS NOT CONDEMNED AND NEITHER DID GOD CONDEMN HER,,,
Jenny Wren THE WOMAN AT THE WELL,,, TOLD OF HER DOING S ALLOF HER LIVES AND SHE ASKED FOR LIVING WATER ,, SHE WAS A TEACHER OF SORTS SHE TOLD THE OTHERS, THEY DID NOT BELIEVE HER ,,,,,,,,SUCH IS MANS THOUGHTS OF A WOMAN IN EACH AND EVER NATION,
WOMEN ARE TREATED AS SECOND RATE CITIZENS EVEN IF SHE IS MADE OF THE MALE,, THEY TOGETHER ARE ONE,,, MAN DOES NOT SEE THIS HE SEES HER AS A HELPER ,AND SOME ONE OT BEAR CHILDREN,, ,,,,,,,,,,SHE IS EQUAL,, SHE IS A PART OF MALE,FROM NEAR HIS HEART,,,,,,
WOMEN WHEN THEY BECOME MOTHERS START TO TEACH THEIR YOUNG ,, MALE OR FEMALE AS EQUAL,, JUST AS GOD WANT,, THE FIRST TEACHOF ALL IS A MOTHER , A TRUE MOTHER , AND WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF THESE CHILDREN,,,,,,, IT FALLS ON US ,,,,,,,TO BARE IF THEY GET INTO TROUBLE OR NOT RAISED RIGHT TO RESPECT AND LOVE OTHERS,,AS THEY ARE TO DO ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WE ARE BORN TEACHERS,, OF WHAT AND WHAT NOT TO DO IN LIFE,,, AND HAPPY IS THE CHILD WHO LISTENS AND SEES THE EXAMPLE SHE SHOWS OT THEM,
WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR NEWBORN ,, WHICH IS A MIRACLE IN ITSELF,, AND THINK THAT IT IS ANOTHER HUMAN AND ON LOAN TO YOU,, IT SCARES YOU GOOD BUT EXCITED ALSO HAVING THE GREATEST JOB ON EARTH TO DO IS REARING ONE OF GODS LITTLE IMAGES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, LOOK IN ITS EYES AS YOU NURSE HIM OR HER AND SEE THE GOD WHO CREATED LIFE AND YOU WONT SEE A MEAN GOD EVER AGAIN,,,,,,,,,,,LOOK AT A SLEEPING CHILD AND SEE GOD AGAIN AT REST,, AND LOVED SO MUCH YOU ACTUALLY CRY,,, ,
YES YOU THEN TRULY KNOW GOD,, THE GOOD GOD,, I GUESS A MOMMA SEES DIFFERENT THAN MOST MEN DO,,, I KNOW I SEE LOVE WHEN I SEE GOD I DO NOT SEE THE MEAN GOD,,NOT THIS MY GIVER OF MY LIFE ,, NO MATTER HOW IT HAPPENED,, AND THEN TO GIVE TO ME TO RAISE A RERUN OF MY OWN SELF, IT IS HEART HEAVING TO SAY THE LEAST,,, GOD IS INDEED GOOD AND WE CAN GROW TO BE,,,,
““He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”” (1 Peter 2:24
Marnie, funny that you should post this again right as I have been coming out of the very thing you describe. I remember reading this about a year ago, and I thought of it a few days back as I was thinking about my current experiences. Thanks for the reassurance and for the invaluable insight into what can be a confusing process of refinement!