What Music Taught Me About Big Dreams

Most of us think of big dreams as things we’ve said we want to be, do or have. But sometimes big dreams are the things you’re too scared to even admit out loud, that seem so impossible you’ve never written them down or put them on a vision board. If so, that deep inner longing could be the very thing you’re here to do.

For me, it was music. I started taking piano lessons at age 5. I had no natural ear, no innate ability that anyone could see. My grandmother was a child prodigy, learning to play chords by ear at 3-4 years old. She went on to play in a silent movie house. My brother also inherited her natural ear for music. I had nothing. I could only parrot what was written on the page.

When my Granny came over to our house and played the piano, I would sit mesmerized at how she could play the old ragtime songs with a styling I’ve never heard anyone else duplicate. I’d think to myself, “I’d love to play like Granny. I wish I didn’t need sheet music to play.” Granny seemed to play from deep inside herself – something uniquely “Granny.” I wanted to play something that was uniquely me.

I knew it was impossible. I just didn’t have the ear for it.

I grew up in a house filled with music. I loved going to live concerts and envied the soloists on stage. What would it be like to be good enough to sing in front of other people? To sing a solo and not feel mortified at the results?

These were inner longings, but my rational mind immediately told me “You’re not a singer. You have no natural music ability. You have no ear for music, no perfect pitch.”

My thoughts went no further. No goal got written down. No ambition emerged.

Just that quiet, inner longing that remained with me throughout my life.

At the age of 50, my mother passed away while I was going through a divorce. I lived with my dad after the funeral. A few days after my mother died, my dad and I looked at each other and said, “We need to get into music.”

My cousin Jody is a songwriter and former Elvis Tribute Artist. He has a little music studio in his home, and he invited us to do music with him. He’d play the guitar and my dad played his harmonica. Jody had me sing. I didn’t even know how to sing with accompaniment that didn’t include the melody. I’d been singing in church for years and loved to sing at the top of my lungs in the car. But I didn’t know about chords or how they worked.

That first day at Jody’s, I sang “Shenandoah.” Jody seemed to like the progress I made. On the way home, my dad looked at me and with a level of incredulity in his voice said, “I didn’t know you could sing! Where did you learn to sing like that?”

“In the car,” I replied. I’d been cranking up Whitney Houston, Carrie Underwood, Trisha Yearwood, Elton John and Norah Jones and singing along for years. I’d been singing duets with Josh Turner and Ed Sheeran as well. I thought I sounded pretty good, but to have Jody and my dad say I sounded good really boosted my confidence.

My dad, Jody and I started going to a Bluegrass/Gospel Jam at a local church. We’d practice our songs on Wednesday nights and go to the church to perform on Thursday nights.

Each week Jody would recommend a new song for me to sing that he felt fit my range: “The Water is Wide,” “Shenandoah,” “Your Cheatin’ Heart,” “Long Black Veil,” and “Tennessee Waltz.” One of my favorites was a song I discovered performed by Allison Moorer and Hayes Carll called “Love, Don’t Let Me Down.” It really fit my feelings at the time, going through a divorce.

These weekly music jams were my first solos in front of an audience! Can you imagine my sheer delight in being able to sing in front of an audience and not be mortified? It wasn’t a concert hall, just a group of about 35 people. I didn’t care how many people it was. My secret longing was to be comfortable singing a solo in front of an audience. And I did it! Every Thursday night for several months, I did it! Now, I’ll get up and sing karaoke in public. I never would have done that before!

Next, with Jody’s help, I started learning chords on the piano. In my 12 years of piano lessons, I’d never understood chords. Soon I was playing the piano and singing on our Thursday night jams. I also hopped in and played with other people on their songs.

Another unspoken longing buried even deeper than singing a solo or playing without sheet music was to be able to write songs. From looking at the stacks of songs Jody had written and how he positioned the chords with the lyrics, I learned how to take most any song and figure out the chords.

I’d been dabbling with extemporaneous piano … just playing whatever came for a year or so before my mother died. In fact, music helped me process the emotions of her decline. I played through my emotions and what came out was quite beautiful. I recorded the music and set it to photos of my mother’s life. I was able to share the music video with her while she was in the hospital. She loved the music, and that meant the world to me.

After Mama died, I’ve felt as if some heavenly musical door got cracked open, left open, and I can hear music pouring through. The music was there, but not the lyrics. Most of the time the music that comes isn’t structured with verses or choruses. Just free-style music.

Then one morning in late June of 2017, I had a dream. I heard a melody and a man stood beside me pointing to some lyrics on a page. When I woke up, I couldn’t remember much of the lyrics, but the melody was there. I sang the melody into my voice recorder, then grabbed a notepad and a pen and started jotting down the words that came. It was a full song with multiple verses.

I was staying at a friend’s house at the time. I hopped on her piano, figured out the chords, and sang along to it, recording it on my computer the same day.

I must tell you, in all the joyful days of my life, this one stands out like a glowing diamond. It was the most exhilarating, joyous moment to have finally accomplished a life-long big dream. I had never articulated this longing because it seemed so impossible. Yet, here it was — a reality!

I’ve written more songs since. I’ve taken chord lessons, jazz lessons, taught myself chords and to play in most any key. I am always learning new things about music. I have plenty more to learn. The difference is that now I know it’s possible. Nearly every day I’m on my piano with my computer recording whatever comes. I never know when the inspiration will strike.

I ended up publishing my own piano album last year to accompany my Confidence Rising book. It’s available on Amazon and iTunes. Or if you buy the book, you can download the music for free here.

Moving Energy with Music

I’ve begun combining music with energy work. Nothing moves energy or emotions like music. I love creating music for my clients. I’ll do an energy session with someone and then afterward, I’ll compose a musical piece to solidify the energy work we did. My clients really seem to enjoy this, and it gives them something to listen to repeatedly to keep their energy in a good place.

The wonderful thing about music is that the possibilities are endless. There is so much to explore, learn and create. I’m always setting new goals for myself, new things to learn how to do.  I still don’t consider myself a “natural” with music, but I have learned some of the skills that the “naturals” instinctively know.

So, let me ask you… what is that deep inner longing that you think is impossible, that you haven’t even been willing to admit to yourself. That thing  … that thing you’re too scared to even say … could be the very thing that would bring you the greatest joy in life and give you the greatest meaning. It’s never too late!

Dip your toe into those scary waters and let it carry you away. Let your life be deep, meaningful, joyous and rich with possibilities!

If you’d like to clear an energetic path toward the deepest longing of your heart, please consider signing up for an energy session with me. Let’s connect you to the joyful possibilities! Click here for details.

Feature Image Copyright: Mikhail Leonov / BigStockPhoto.com