Are You Repelling What You Desire Most?

Since learning SimplyHealed, I’ve become acutely aware of the signals my body is sending me. It’s almost as if our bodies are little babies without any way to verbally communicate with us, so they get our attention through an ache here, a pain there, a twitch there. And if we ignore its messages long enough, the body allows us to get sick to get our attention.

I’ve noticed that as I pay attention to my body and address the root issue, emotion or concern, my body feels and operates better. Yet, within the last month, I had a bit of a health concern that got my attention. I kept asking my body what it was trying to tell me. The only thing that came up is this reoccurring feeling I have every once in a while that I’m not making a big enough impact, I’m not reaching enough people, I’m not living up to my potential. Mediocrity is the word that kept coming to mind.

I asked myself how many people I’d have to impact to feel satisfied and used a little testing to ascertain the number. You know what it was? 10 million! I was feeling I’d have to reach and/or influence 10 million people to be satisfied with my life. Isn’t that just ridiculous?

Finally I turned to Karol Truman’s book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die. When I looked up the ailment associated with the symptoms, I found the root cause as “the ego has been injured” or “unexpressed and unresolved hurts.”

Going on these clues, I began asking myself in what way my ego had been injured and what hurts had I not expressed or resolved? I’ve done so much work lately, that I would have thought these things would have been addressed by now. But I decided to trust there may still be something there. I took some time to prayerfully ask for guidance in finding the answer, and I listened.

Then the answer came. It was something deep within my past, all the way back to my childhood. You may have heard me talk about how great my dad was and how he built my confidence and trained me to share what I’ve learned. What I don’t talk about much is that once I entered elementary school, things were quite different. People didn’t strain to listen to my every word. My peers didn’t think I was the best thing since sliced bread. I had friends, but I was on the shy side. In fact, by the time I entered a new school in sixth grade where nobody knew me, I was the geeky teacher’s pet that schoolmates ignore.

My middle school and high school years weren’t much better. Most of the time I felt as if I was invisible. I made good grades, and I had a couple good friends, but I’d hardly call myself popular. I didn’t strive to be popular either. Yet, I remember saying things in a group and nobody even acknowledging that I’d said a word. I didn’t feel heard by or of interest to the vast majority of people.

As I thought back on this ego bruising from childhood, I realized something incredibly important about my motives to be heard today. I’m trying to fill a childhood void. I’m still trying to be heard, trying to prove that I have something of worth to say, straining to be myself yet be accepted by my peers.

The realization was sobering. I’ve never considered myself someone who worried about being popular. I would have told you my motives in getting my message out are to change lives for the better, to help people, to make a positive impact. Surely it wasn’t this sad pathetic motivation of a sixth grader in a new school, unable to fit in!

Yet, the more I faced the facts, the more I realized the truth. Sure, there were good motivations, but mixed in among them was this “neediness” to be valued, appreciated, and fit in.

Once I recognized these old programs running in the background of my mind, I set to work removing them and implementing new beliefs. I installed things like:

I let go of the need to belong.
I let go of the need to fit in.
I let go of the need to be popular.
I can be me and people like me and are attracted to me.
I let go of the need to have large groups of people follow me, like me or be my fans.
I am satisfied with my life and who I am.
I am somebody.
I matter.
People like me.
I offer value to the world.
People want what I have to offer.
Who I am is more than enough.
I am happy with or without fans.
I let go of the need to be validated by other people.
I let go of the need to have 10 million fans.
I let go of the need to have any fans.
I am content just as I am.
I am content being a mother.
I let go of the need to influence or be an agent of change for others.
I let go of the need to prove anything to myself.
I let go of the need to prove anything to the world.
I let go of the need to prove anything to God.

That last one is a big one. But I believe it’s in my highest good to let go of that need. Why am I trying to prove anything to God? He already knows who I am. There’s no need to prove what you already are!

I am exceptional.
I am a daughter of God.
I am amazing, unique and beautiful.
I am brilliant
I am feminine and strong.
I am determined and resilient.

Why have I been on this insatiable quest to prove something? Because I’ve been trying to fill a void created in childhood! The thought did occur to me that if I install these new beliefs, I might be a completely different person. Maybe I’ll abandon writing, speaking, web desigining and Facebooking. Without the driving need, will I be someone else?

If I am, that’s ok, but I suspect that the underlying “neediness” was bleeding through. I believe when we operate from neediness, we actually repel the things we’re trying to achieve or acquire. Think of the over-eager guy who chases after the girl. Think of the money that never seems to arrive when you’re desperate to make ends meet. The needier we are, the more we drive away what we desire.

When we let go of our neediness and accept and allow what comes, things start to flow.

So, I ask you, is there an underlying need or void that drives you? What if you released it? I’m here to tell you it’s an incredibly liberating experience to let it go! I feel like a new woman — free to be or do anything I choose to!

If the thought of liberating yourself from past limiting beliefs sounds intriguing, join me Friday, January 13th, 2012 live in Salt Lake City for “No More Limits! Impact the World Today!”  I look forward to sharing all this good stuff with you. 🙂

About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns

Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.

• Mail
|
• Twitter
|
• Facebook
|
• LinkedIn
|
• More Posts(414)