{"id":73,"date":"2010-11-10T14:07:06","date_gmt":"2010-11-10T14:07:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/marniepehrson.com\/unplugged\/?p=73"},"modified":"2010-11-09T14:18:31","modified_gmt":"2010-11-09T14:18:31","slug":"marriage-advice-for-the-workaholic-woman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marniekuhns.com\/unplugged\/2010\/11\/10\/marriage-advice-for-the-workaholic-woman\/","title":{"rendered":"Marriage Advice for the Workaholic Woman"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This is the second article in a 2-part series that I wrote nine or ten years ago. I feel like I&#8217;m preaching to myself here&#8230; so if I needed the reminder, I&#8217;m guessing some other highly-ambitious women could use it too. \ud83d\ude42 For the first article, <a title=\"highly ambitious women married to less ambitious men\" href=\"http:\/\/marniepehrson.com\/unplugged\/2010\/11\/05\/highly-ambitious-women-married-to-less-ambitious-men\/\" target=\"_blank\">click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>When  a highly ambitious woman is married to a not-so-ambitious man, they can  find a harmonious balance. The secret is in emphasizing the strengths  of your partner and being willing to give the other person what they  crave. A couple is  like two pieces of a puzzle: different yet they fit  together.<\/p>\n<p><strong>How a highly ambitious woman can achieve harmony with a less-ambitious man<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Lower your expectations.<\/strong> Recognize that your man is never going to be as ambitious, driven or  motivated as you are. He simply doesn&#8217;t have or want the energy level  that you do. So you may as well learn to appreciate him for his  strengths.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Consider your cup half full<\/strong>. If you see your  husband as lazy and selfish or as acting like the world owes him  something, start searching for his good qualities. Turn these negative  thoughts around, and consider these characteristics as strengths instead  of weaknesses. For example, you might say, &#8220;He knows how to relax. He  enjoys life. He&#8217;s easy-going. He appreciates the little things in life.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li><strong>Let him teach you how to relax<\/strong>.  Try to learn from him. He can help you balance your life. If you see  him as someone you can relax with, enjoy the intangibles of life with,  and appreciate him for his strengths rather than feeling resentful of  them or trying to change him, you can find harmony in this relationship.  One of the women who participated in our survey had learned this  secret; &#8220;He occasionally gets me to relax. When I&#8217;m feeling lazy and  want to sit around, I know he&#8217;s all for it. He helps me keep  perspective.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be aware that your man craves your time and attention.<\/strong> He wants someone to pay attention to the things that interest him as  much as you want him to be attentive and supportive of your goals. One  of the hardest things for a highly ambitious woman to do is spend time  on anything that she deems frivolous. If your husband&#8217;s interests seem  frivolous, you will have a hard time giving him the time and attention  he needs to be happy in the marriage. Instead, remind yourself, &#8220;My  marriage is important. My husband is very important to me. This is  important to him, so it is important that I do this for him or with  him.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li><strong>Less-ambitious men have egos, too.<\/strong> They still  need to feel like they are the man of the house. Never belittle him, his  interests or call him lazy. A woman who shows appreciation and support  for her husband&#8217;s efforts and for who he is instead of what he achieves  will have a happy husband who feels loved. As one woman explained,  &#8220;Encourage him in his job and thank him for all his help. He plays an  important role in your success. Make special time for him and keep the  romance alive.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li><strong>Keep commitments. <\/strong>It hurts your husband  and family when you break promises. &#8220;Everything and everybody gets put  second place to her business. We can have plans to do something and they  can get bumped for her customers&#8221; explained one disgruntled husband. If  you make promises to do things with your husband and children, keep  them. Don&#8217;t let work or business opportunities pre-empt prior family  commitments.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Consider involving your husband in your goals<\/strong>.  Create a mission statement together so that you both are in sync with  who you want to be as a couple. As you make your husband a part of your  success, he will feel like a valued contributor; and you will see the  importance of the support he provides that makes the pursuit of your  dreams possible.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How a less-ambitious man can achieve harmony with a highly ambitious woman<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Praise and encourage her. <\/strong>If  you can appreciate the excitement and zeal that your wife brings to  your life, if you can give her praise,    encouragement, and  understanding for all she does then you are giving your wife the deepest  craving of her heart. Let her know that you appreciate her!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be positive. <\/strong>Negativity  weighs on these women. They carry an immense burden of stress,  generally trying to juggle the hats of motherhood, career, homemaker,  and wife. Be positive and supportive. Don&#8217;t be like one woman&#8217;s husband  who she felt, &#8220;belittled her for minor set backs and ignored her during  major victories.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be a sounding board. <\/strong>Because highly  motivated women are full of ideas and often very talkative, you will  reap great rewards in being her sounding board. She doesn&#8217;t need you to  solve her problems; she needs you to lend your ear.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Lighten her load. <\/strong>Because  highly motivated women tend to over-extend themselves and take on more  than they can handle, a man who is supportive and helpful around the  house or in financial matters is a great asset to the highly motivated  woman. A willingness to chip in without expecting a pat on the back  every time will go a long way in this marriage.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be a man.<\/strong> Although these women may enjoy being the decision-maker, they still  like it when their husband is decisive and bears some of the  responsibilities. As one high-achieving women explained, &#8220;Secretly I  want him to take care of me for a change.&#8221; They want a man they can  count on when times get tough. You may not be able to be that man  financially, but there are other ways you can bear some of the  responsibilities. You can do things like help her with the children,  give her a back rub when she&#8217;s up late working on the computer, or take  the initiative to make plans for a weekend getaway. Sweep her off her  feet every now and then.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>What both partners can do to achieve harmony and happiness<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Take time to do things together.<\/strong> Take vacations together. Go away for    a romantic weekend alone at  least once or twice a year. Establish a regular    &#8220;date night&#8221; so you  can stay connected.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Take time to learn about each other. <\/strong>Learn about each other&#8217;s    interests and build common interests together. This will mean compromise on    both partners&#8217; parts.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Accept each other for your strengths and your different energy levels.<\/strong> Don&#8217;t try to change each other. Learn that you each have your strengths and    that you can find balance in each other.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Ignore outside influences. <\/strong>Many  people still view this relationship    type as non-traditional. Some  will even secretly envy your happiness. Don&#8217;t    listen to what others  say, stay focused on each other. And, do not discuss    your partner  with others. Protect the sanctity of your marriage by respecting    your  partner in public.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If  your marriage is having problems, but it hasn&#8217;t deteriorated too much,   simply adjusting your behavior and attitude according to these  guidelines can  work wonders. I&#8217;ve learned in my own experience that  even one person making  these changes can show dramatic results. I found  that I was the one who had to  make adjustments in my thinking. One  thing that has helped me tremendously over the years is working with a life  coach. A life coach can help you streamline your  business goals, manage  your time more wisely and make time for having a life.<\/p>\n<p>Recognize  if your marriage is in serious trouble and don&#8217;t be afraid to  seek  appropriate counseling. Counseling does not lead to divorce; it&#8217;s a sign   that you both want to invest in your marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Whatever  you do, do something today to start working on your marriage. And   continue to work on it throughout your life. No marriage is easy, but  this  marriage combination, with a little creativity and devotion can work.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When a highly ambitious woman is married to a not-so-ambitious man, they can find a harmonious balance. The secret is in emphasizing the strengths of your partner and being willing to give the other person what they crave. A couple is like two pieces of a puzzle: different yet they fit together. Here are some tips to help you in your marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-73","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","category-workaholism"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Marriage Advice for the Workaholic Woman<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When a highly ambitious woman is married to a not-so-ambitious man, they can find a harmonious balance. 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