{"id":5210,"date":"2018-01-25T16:11:21","date_gmt":"2018-01-25T16:11:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/marniemarcus.com\/unplugged\/?p=5210"},"modified":"2018-01-26T13:41:42","modified_gmt":"2018-01-26T13:41:42","slug":"say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marniekuhns.com\/unplugged\/2018\/01\/25\/say-no\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Your Inability to Say No Making You Sick, Tired or Broke?"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the hardest things for many women to do is to say no. As wives, mothers and friends, we live much of our lives as caregivers. As a result, we begin to think other people\u2019s wishes must take precedence over our own.<\/p>\n

We’ve often heard that we need to say “No” more. If we don’t, we’ll end up sick, tired, or broke because we aren’t taking care of ourselves. But it goes beyond the usual self-care advice. I’d like to explore how being sick, tired or broke is actually serving you on some level and what you can do about it.<\/p>\n

As Long As You Have a Good Excuse<\/h2>\n

Many people take on projects and tasks that are out of alignment with who they are and what they are here to do because they don\u2019t know how to say, \u201cNo.\u201d Many of us take on too much and wear ourselves out, sacrificing our health and peace of mind on the altar of having to say “Yes” to more than we can adequately manage.<\/p>\n

When that becomes more than we can bear, we shift to excuses-making. After all, you need a good excuse to say, “No” – right? Most of us feel we do. If we don’t have a “good enough excuse,” there’s guilt.\u00a0 Guilt can be so uncomfortable our minds search for a way out.<\/p>\n

Growing up, if I or one of my siblings made an excuse for why we couldn\u2019t do something, my dad would say, \u201cWell, as long as you have a good excuse.\u201d<\/p>\n

He wanted us to understand that we were making excuses. We were searching for a way out. He wanted us to be aware we were only fooling ourselves with our excuses. Did we really need the excuse?<\/p>\n

Often, people who have a hard time saying \u201cNo\u201d end up in these types of situations:<\/p>\n

Leading incredibly busy lives which become unbalanced.<\/strong> Busy-ness becomes the excuse that justifies why we can\u2019t do one more thing.<\/p>\n

For many years, I was a workaholic. I used my busy-ness as a badge of honor. I derived my value from my busy-ness. It also gave me an excuse to get out of doing things I didn\u2019t want to do. I was too chicken to say, \u201cNo,\u201d so I just stayed busy with things I\u2019d rather be doing.<\/p>\n

Becoming sick.<\/strong> Bodies often become sick in order to give us a guilt-free excuse to say, \u201cNo.\u201d I\u2019ve worked with several clients who discovered that their illnesses were actually serving them. Being sick gave them an excuse to decline other people\u2019s demands or to get out of doing things they were scared to do. These were real, legitimate illnesses, certainly not in their minds, but their bodies were trying to speak to them and get their attention through dis-ease.<\/p>\n

This is especially common when there are other people in one\u2019s life who will not take \u201cNo\u201d for an answer. People who are prone to manipulating, guilt-tripping, and nagging often make others feel trapped. The person who is being manipulated actually becomes sick because there seems to be no other viable \u201cexcuse\u201d that the manipulator will accept.<\/p>\n

Of course, there are a myriad of reasons for illnesses. This is just one to consider.<\/p>\n

Having money problems.<\/strong> If you have money problems, you can use, \u201cI have to work\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t have the money for that\u201d as excuses not to do what you are too afraid, lazy or scared to do.<\/p>\n

For example, it might be that you don’t know how to say “No” to your children, and you’re afraid of spoiling them if you buy them too much. Your subconscious mind might work around those tough conversations and boundary-setting by making sure you have little spending money.<\/p>\n

Who Owns Your Power?<\/h2>\n

Bottom line, the root issue is that we are abdicating our personal power to other people. When we get tired of abdicating our power to other people, we shift to advocating it to the excuse. \u00a0The excuse takes over our lives. We become overwhelmed, sick or money-strapped.<\/p>\n

The solution is simple\u2026 we take back responsibility for our own choices. We understand that we are the creators of our own lives. Each person has the freedom to choose how he or she will spend time, money, resources and energy. We have a God-given right to do that, and we owe no one an excuse.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Our wishes, feelings, and needs are every bit as important as anyone else\u2019s. If you do not take care of yourself, certainly no one else will.<\/p>\n

The Price You Pay for Excuses<\/h2>\n

When you give over your power to the excuse, you can\u2019t do what you are on this planet to do. Your energy, health, time and money is sucked down the black hole of the excuse. There\u2019s nothing left for your divine purpose.\u00a0 On top of that, you’re miserable.<\/p>\n

Have an Honest Conversation with Yourself<\/h2>\n

If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, I recommend the following activity.<\/p>\n

Obviously, these challenges are very real for you. You probably didn’t even know why they were happening until now. It’s not like you consciously set out to make yourself sick or miserable. But there is some self-preserving part of you that is trying to protect you. It’s time to have a conversation with that part of yourself. Here are the steps for doing that.<\/p>\n

First, admit that you are using health challenges, busyness, or money issues as an excuse<\/strong> to get out of what you don\u2019t want to do. Really absorb and see that you are doing this. What are you trying to get out of?\u00a0 Why are you trying to get out of it? Are you afraid? Are you scared to have tough conversations with others? Do you have inaccurate beliefs about what is possible for you?<\/p>\n

Second, thank the part of yourself that has been trying to rescue you.<\/strong> Thank it for the health, money or busyness issues. \u00a0There is a part of you that is trying to help you say, \u201cNo.\u201d Thank this part of yourself that understands you haven’t been setting clear boundaries<\/a> with yourself and others. Ask it to forgive you for not taking better care of yourself and not standing in your power.<\/p>\n

Tell it that you forgive it for making you tired, sick and\/or broke and that you understand now that it was trying to protect you. Thank it for getting your attention and bringing you to the point where you have the courage to own your own power.<\/p>\n

Third, commit to growing a spine and saying \u201cNo\u201d without guilt, without excuse.<\/strong> If you don\u2019t want to do something, you have every right to say \u201cNo\u201d\u2026 And you don\u2019t owe a soul an explanation why.<\/p>\n

Fourth, make a commitment to honor yourself and set clear boundaries<\/a> about what you will and won\u2019t do.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fifth, strike a deal with yourself.<\/strong> Continue the conversation with your self-preserving side. Work out a win-win solution.<\/p>\n

You might say something like this,<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you for giving me health challenges so that I would have a guilt-free excuse to say ‘No’ to things I didn\u2019t want to do or that felt unsafe. I appreciate you trying to protect me. Please forgive me for not setting and honoring clear boundaries<\/a> with myself and others.<\/p>\n

I now see that I don\u2019t need to be sick anymore just to have an excuse. I have a right to say ‘No.’ From now on, I\u2019m going to stand up for myself. Thank you for the health issues. Obviously, I don\u2019t need them anymore because I hereby commit to set clear boundaries and honor and value myself by sticking to them. Thank you. Let’s please work together toward a healthier, better way of living.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sixth, clean out any victim energy, past trauma, unhealthy habits, or unproductive guilt using energy techniques.<\/strong> Personally, I use the SimplyHealed Method\u2122 to quickly and painlessly get down to root issues and release them. I\u2019ve used these techniques since 2011, with both myself and my clients. It\u2019s powerful in bringing you peace, hope and the courage to take control of your own life. (Learn more here.<\/a>)<\/p>\n

Remember: Change is good!<\/strong> And it’s okay to ask for help. As you do these steps and as you take care of yourself, you\u2019ll begin to create a more abundant life. You\u2019ll begin to realize your full potential.<\/p>\n

Featured Image Copyright: Tuzenko \/ BigStockPhoto.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the hardest things for many women to do is to say no. As wives, mothers and friends, we live much of our lives as caregivers. As a result, we begin to think other people\u2019s wishes must take precedence over our own. We’ve often heard that we need to say “No” more. If we…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5216,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[167,36,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5210","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-energy-therapy","category-financial-freedom","category-workaholism"],"yoast_head":"\nIs Your Inability to Say No Making You Sick, Tired or Broke? - Marnie Pehrson Kuhns<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Your inability to say no could be making you sick, tired or broke, but not for the typical self-care reasons. 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