{"id":3437,"date":"2015-08-15T08:30:19","date_gmt":"2015-08-15T08:30:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/marniepehrson.com\/unplugged\/?p=3437"},"modified":"2017-09-18T18:15:40","modified_gmt":"2017-09-18T18:15:40","slug":"my-quest-love-part9","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marniekuhns.com\/unplugged\/2015\/08\/15\/my-quest-love-part9\/","title":{"rendered":"Quest for Love: Watch Out for Your Achilles Heel"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve known it for years. I&#8217;m a praise junkie. Twenty-five years ago when I started my business, I over-delivered to clients who praised me. In essence, I received\u00a0part of my payment in praise. Then, I wised up (or thought I did). I raised my rates and began working on this tendency to take peanuts for work when someone praised me profusely.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The problem is, the need for acknowledgement never really went away.<\/strong> It&#8217;s been\u00a0a driver throughout my life. If you think about it, more of us have an issue with the &#8220;need for acknowledgement&#8221; than we care to admit. Every time you make a Facebook post and wait around for someone to Like it, Share it, or Comment on it, you&#8217;re waiting for that little dopamine hit that comes from being acknowledged.<\/p>\n<p>First let&#8217;s explain what dopamine is. According to <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/basics\/dopamine\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Psychology Today<\/a><\/strong>,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><a class=\"inline-links topic-link\" title=\"Psychology Today looks at Dopamine\" href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/basics\/dopamine-0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dopamine<\/a> is a neurotransmitter\u00a0that helps control the brain&#8217;s reward and pleasure centers.\u00a0Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Dopamine isn&#8217;t a bad thing. We need it, but having an addiction to it can be dangerous.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-3453 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/marniepehrson.com\/unplugged\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/brainondopamine1-258x300.jpg\" alt=\"brain on dopamine\" width=\"258\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/marniekuhns.com\/unplugged\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/brainondopamine1-258x300.jpg 258w, https:\/\/marniekuhns.com\/unplugged\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/brainondopamine1.jpg 578w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 258px) 100vw, 258px\" \/>What I learned from dating is that <strong>if you have a <span style=\"color: #800000;\">core unmet need<\/span> for acknowledgement in some area of your life and <span style=\"color: #800000;\">someone feeds that need<\/span> through flattery, praise, or making you feel you matter in that area, <span style=\"color: #800000;\">you can form an addiction<\/span> to that person and to the chemical dopamine that is secreted in your brain by having them around or engaging in the rewarded behavior.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This addiction is what makes people do stupid things for love.\u00a0In essence, if the other person has a mind to do so (and you allow it to happen), they can seduce you down a path you might never otherwise go.<\/p>\n<p>Dompane numbs your frontal lobe which controls logical thinking. You may easily be led like a child to the water&#8217;s edge by your Pied-Piper chemicals.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, it&#8217;s scary to come out of a relationship, wake up, and realize you&#8217;ve been in the twilight zone\u00a0and haven&#8217;t\u00a0been yourself in months.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So what can you do about it?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You might have to\u00a0experience this phenomenon and feel like you &#8220;messed up&#8221; to identify that you have an issue with a core unmet need. As Lisa Rae Preston says, &#8220;Until you had to nurse the blister from the burn&#8221; you may not really be able to look at your situation objectively.<\/p>\n<p>Once burned, twice shy. Your awareness of the need and knowing what a dopamine addiction feels like strengthens your resolve. With a strengthened resolve, you have more objectivity to keep from making the same mistake again.<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/marniepehrson.com\/energy-therapy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Energy therapy has been a big part of my journey<\/a><\/strong>. It&#8217;s a great way to let go of caring what other people think, release past trauma and break unhealthy patterns.<\/p>\n<p>I told you\u00a0in my last blog we were going to talk about how to distinguish inspiration from imagination. What does dopamine and crazy, stupid love have to do with discerning the source of inspiration for visionaries? A lot!<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/marniepehrson.com\/unplugged\/2015\/08\/15\/quest-for-love-spiritual-achilles-heel\/\">Click here\u00a0to find out<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve known it for years. I&#8217;m a praise junkie. Twenty-five years ago when I started my business, I over-delivered to clients who praised me. In essence, I received\u00a0part of my payment in praise. Then, I wised up (or thought I did). I raised my rates and began working on this tendency to take peanuts for&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3453,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[203,24,40,217],"tags":[208,207,209,210],"class_list":["post-3437","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating","category-implementing-ideas","category-inspired-creatives","category-quest-for-love","tag-addiction","tag-dopamine","tag-need-for-acknowledgement","tag-pride"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This 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