In 2009 I set out on a quest to Light the World — to help as many people as I could find ultimate freedom by living their lives in alignment with God’s love and light. It became evident that this was a much bigger job than I could ever possibly do alone. There were other people out there being prepared to light the way for others — to shine in the darkness of this world and lead people to the love of God.
All I knew was that I was supposed to “help the Light Bearers.” I thought they needed help getting their messages out, so that’s the direction I traveled. In recent months I’ve wondered if that isn’t what they need at all. Or at least not first.
I’ve noticed that a lot of “Light Bearers” were hesitant to put themselves out there. A slew of self doubts, overwhelm, lack of knowledge, and day-to-day challenges kept them playing small. What’s more, while they might feel like they had something to share with the world, they usually weren’t sure what it would be or how they would say it.
At that point in my life, I was doing well with my business and all of my basic needs were easily met. I couldn’t see why they were making everything so hard.
Then in 2012, my world began to unravel. I lost my multi-six-figure business literally overnight. Downsizing to a lifestyle of 1/5th of what you were earning isn’t something a person can do overnight. Commitments you make at a higher level of income don’t suddenly go away just because your income does.
Financial strain accentuated the problems that had long existed at home, and in 2013, my 28-year-marriage dissolved as well. While I scrambled to create revenue streams that would serve my “Light Bearer” market, I hit barrier after barrier. The economic crisis which hit America was now affecting me. I encountered the same challenges other Light Bearers faced.
- Tight finances
- Dwindling confidence. What I used to do wasn’t working anymore. I’d lost my “Midas Touch.”
- I was alone and felt as if the foundation to my world had been ripped out from under me.
- My core sense of “belonging” took a direct hit. It felt like I no longer belonged to anyone nor did I even belong in the swiftly changing online business world.
- The ability to keep my property became increasingly questionable.
The more my foundation crumbled, the more I didn’t care a thing about “Lighting the World.” I was doing well to keep the lights on in my own house!
Over the last year or so, I’ve been constantly reminded of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Notice that “Self Actualization” is at the top of the pyramid. We can’t even begin to think about helping others until we have our own core needs met.
How is a person supposed to be creative and problem solve when their core needs are not being met or are seriously threatened? Most of the time I felt as if I’d been slammed to the ground, my face ground into the dust, a boot in my back, and my arms tied behind my back while someone screamed, “Create, Marnie! Create!” How do you create (self actualize) when your basic survival is threatened?
As I’ve looked at this diagram recently, I’m realizing that my entire pyramid got swept off. Everything was gone but breathing, food, water, shelter. I still had my health, good friends and family members, but for the most part, my slate was wiped clean.
As I’ve pondered on why that was necessary, I think perhaps it’s because my entire foundation was faulty. Much of it was built on dysfunction and haphazard construction.
- If I’m here to help people communicate their messages to the world, how could I do that if my core relationship was built on miscommunication?
- If I’m here to be a spiritual messenger with divine healing and inspiration to bring illumination to the masses, how can I do that if my own emotions and relationships need healing?
- How could I be a conduit of God’s love and light if there were “black blobs” on my own personal glowing ball of light?
Perhaps the only way to become who I needed to become next was to topple my pyramid and start over.
Honestly, I’m still rebuilding. But, it’s left me curious, about something else. Did I need to go through this so that I could relate to other Light Bearers? I certainly understand now why some people might not be so excited about leaving a legacy or lighting the world, even when they have something important to share.
If a person is in survival mode, maybe they just aren’t ready. I’d love to hear your thoughts… What do you think Light Bearers need most? How can I help?
Here’s an affirmation audio I created for myself to tap back into being a conduit of God’s love and light. Maybe you’ll find it helpful too.
About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns
Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.
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