I’ve known it for years. I’m a praise junkie. Twenty-five years ago when I started my business, I over-delivered to clients who praised me. In essence, I received part of my payment in praise. Then, I wised up (or thought I did). I raised my rates and began working on this tendency to take peanuts for work when someone praised me profusely.
The problem is, the need for acknowledgement never really went away. It’s been a driver throughout my life. If you think about it, more of us have an issue with the “need for acknowledgement” than we care to admit. Every time you make a Facebook post and wait around for someone to Like it, Share it, or Comment on it, you’re waiting for that little dopamine hit that comes from being acknowledged.
First let’s explain what dopamine is. According to Psychology Today,
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them.”
Dopamine isn’t a bad thing. We need it, but having an addiction to it can be dangerous.
What I learned from dating is that if you have a core unmet need for acknowledgement in some area of your life and someone feeds that need through flattery, praise, or making you feel you matter in that area, you can form an addiction to that person and to the chemical dopamine that is secreted in your brain by having them around or engaging in the rewarded behavior.
This addiction is what makes people do stupid things for love. In essence, if the other person has a mind to do so (and you allow it to happen), they can seduce you down a path you might never otherwise go.
Dompane numbs your frontal lobe which controls logical thinking. You may easily be led like a child to the water’s edge by your Pied-Piper chemicals.
Yes, it’s scary to come out of a relationship, wake up, and realize you’ve been in the twilight zone and haven’t been yourself in months.
So what can you do about it?
You might have to experience this phenomenon and feel like you “messed up” to identify that you have an issue with a core unmet need. As Lisa Rae Preston says, “Until you had to nurse the blister from the burn” you may not really be able to look at your situation objectively.
Once burned, twice shy. Your awareness of the need and knowing what a dopamine addiction feels like strengthens your resolve. With a strengthened resolve, you have more objectivity to keep from making the same mistake again.
Energy therapy has been a big part of my journey. It’s a great way to let go of caring what other people think, release past trauma and break unhealthy patterns.
I told you in my last blog we were going to talk about how to distinguish inspiration from imagination. What does dopamine and crazy, stupid love have to do with discerning the source of inspiration for visionaries? A lot!
About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns
Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.
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