In May of 2013, I gathered a group of friends at Serenbe Farms, just south of Atlanta, for a retreat. At that point in my personal life I had just told my then-husband I wanted a divorce, but we were still living in the same house. The papers had not been filed. My friends were a great source of strength to me. Being with them was a priceless gift.
While at Serenbe, we all walked the labyrinth together, and something unusual happened for me that day.
I’ve walked a labyrinth before. I know that it ambles around, often going in directions that seem like they will never lead to the center of the maze. But, something in my thinking was tweaked. All I could think about was getting to the center. For some reason, I felt like the path I’d chosen was going to make me arrive last. It wasn’t about competing. I didn’t want to “beat” anyone there, I just had this odd concern that the others would be “wasting their time” waiting on me.
As it progressed, I started “cheating.” I stepped over rows and into closer ones, believing those would get me to the center faster. I did this several times, but it didn’t help. The more I did this, the more it looked like I would indeed be keeping everyone waiting.
Eventually, I surrendered to the path of the labyrinth, wondering if my crazy maneuvers would prevent me from ever arriving. I finally did make it, and didn’t keep anyone waiting.
As I sat in the center with my friends, we discussed the lessons of the labyrinth. I shared my crazy obsession with getting to the center. My friends helped me see that this journey through the labyrinth reflected my thinking at the time. I just wanted to be done. I wanted to be out of the marriage and on with my life.
The message was very clear, “Trust the path. You’ll get there. You can’t mess anything up, but it’s not about reaching the center, it’s about the journey.”
I’ve been divorced for 8 months as I write this, and I’m doing the dating thing. For a while I dated a man I thought would be an excellent match, only to discover after building a relationship that it wasn’t going to work. My first instinct was to think, “What a waste of time! Now I have to start all over. How many times will I have to give my heart, get hurt, and start all over before I find this person I know is out there for me… this “soul mate?”
Then into my mind will come the phrase, “Walk the labyrinth.”
As I walk this relationship labyrinth, I find that it’s not about the next man I get to know being “the one” as much as it is about getting to know me and what’s important to me. What are my values? What are my patterns that need revising? What are my deal breakers? Each man I get to know is a gift because he teaches me something about me. And I hope I’m leaving each of them better than I found them. Maybe I’m a piece to their puzzles. Nothing is wasted.
I believe we all came here to this planet to learn things and become the people God knows we can become. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, all our relationships are “perfect” for helping us do that.
I do not regret marrying the man I married, even though the marriage ended. I believe we were in each other’s lives to become who we’re here to become. I don’t regret the relationship that came after my divorce either. I learned more about myself there and was blessed by the experience.
In turning to Christ, He works all things together for my good. Along the journey I’m not only gaining some dating experience, but I’m also being led to individuals who help me work through the relationship patterns that no longer serve me. One of the most priceless individuals God has brought my way is Denise Wade, Ph.D.
Denise has helped me identify some of the attachment patterns and cycles of my childhood that are still impacting my relationship choices today. Her work is completely fascinating. If you’re looking for your soul mate or have already found yours and want to get along with him/her better, I HIGHLY recommend Denise. Visit her at http://sweetharmony.net .
About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns
Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.
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