Are you doubting what you know? Perhaps everything you’ve been teaching? Are the things that used to work for you not working anymore? Do you feel like life changed the rules and nobody sent you the memo?
There’s a time in every Light Bearer’s life when she is tested on the very thing she’s teaching. It’s the “Transparency” phase of the 6-step Light-Bearer process I cover in Light the World: How Your Brilliance Can Shift the Planet. This phase is about removing “black blobs” clinging to your glowing ball of light. It’s about burning away impurities so you’re ready for the next phase — shining.
Transparency humbles you enough to submit to the touch of the Master’s hand so He can transform you into a clean, clear, conduit of His love and light to the world.
It can be one of the most excruciatingly painful places to be. Should you stop teaching? Are you a fraud? Should you just go get a j.o.b.? Bottom line, you realize you have a whole lot more to learn.
This is your chance to dig back in, work through your own processes, find the missing pieces and elaborate more on things you either couldn’t remember or hadn’t yet experienced.
As you do this, you become increasingly aware of your “black blogs.” Ironically, you’ll discover that your weaknesses lie in the exact areas of your strengths. For example, I teach women to value themselves, but I wasn’t valuing myself. I see the gifts and greatness in others, but I wasn’t seeing them in myself. I’m all about synergistic relationships and collaboration, yet in major areas of my life I was going it alone, trying to do it all by myself.
When you come to this place of being tested on the very things you’ve been teaching (or feel called to teach), you have three choices, as I see it:
1) Pull back, lick your wounds and wait until you have your “act together” to put yourself out there again.
Sometimes this is necessary. You do need to regroup and take a much needed rest. During these times, I recommend journaling so you document your process.
2) Pretend everything is all right and fake it until you make it.
This route takes an immense amount of energy as it requires effort to pretend everything is fine when it’s going horribly wrong. What’s more, it grates on your soul because you feel out of alignment.
3) Be transparent with those around you, document your process and keep on going with faith. Know that your “shining” phase is just around the bend.
This route requires a shift in the way you view yourself. You may have seen yourself as the leader, expert or guru. All of these might make you feel like you have to “be perfect” and always have your act together. Heaven forbid you make a mistake!
In reality you may be none of those. You may simply be a person who is farther out along the path. Others are watching your tail lights, learning from your mistakes and your successes. They’re grateful to have the opportunity to observe – not because they expect you to be perfect – but because now they have some knowledge of the road ahead.
They won’t trip over a log on the path, because you just stumbled and warned, “Watch your step!” They will know where to find fresh water because you just yelled, “There’s a spring over here!” When you care enough about others to share what you’re learning during your difficult times, they are grateful for what you can share.
You may come to realize you have more people following you in the dark than you ever did in the light.
As a friend pointed out to me yesterday, “Your light is shining brighter than you think. The symbol of the lighthouse is so perfect, the purpose of its light is not to shine in day or light, but to shine in darkness and fog.” (Liz Bradley)
There’s a quote from Eat, Pray, Love that describes this 3rd way of being:
In the end, I’ve come to believe in something I call “The Physics of the Quest.” A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.” – Liz Gilbert
I love this because I’m realizing I’m surrounded by teachers. I don’t have to be “the perfect teacher” or “the perfect leader.” We’re all in this together and everywhere I look, I find teachers, guides and friends — fellow travelers on the journey.
If this post resonates with you, you might be in the Transparency phase of the Light Bearer Process. Find out by taking my Light Bearer Assessment here. It’s fast and free!
About Marnie Pehrson Kuhns
Marnie Pehrson Kuhns is a Certified SimplyAlign Practitioner™ who uses music and creativity to mentor you past barriers, fears and doubts to discover, create, align with, and deliver your soul’s song (the mission, message or purpose you are on this earth to live). Marnie is a best-selling author with 31 fiction and nonfiction titles. If you'd like Marnie and her husband Dave to work with you personally on Your Great Reinvention, get a FREE 20-minute strategy session with Marnie here.
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